Shalom Beit Knesset: Peace in Our House

Judaism is seasoned from thousands of years worth of wise and sage rules, traditions, and concepts, but perhaps, none is more profoundly informative to us, today, than the concept of Shalom Bayit, Peace in the Home, Domestic Tranquility.

Like some of the other major, overarching concepts in Judaism, such as Pikuah Nefesh, the saving of life, and Kiddush Hashem, the sanctification of God’s name, Shalom Bayit can override the strict observance of many laws because the underlying principle is so much more important.

In order to ensure tranquility in the home, many laws, some of which are foundational to Jewish practice, may be compromised.

And this concept of Shalom Bayit has a polar opposite concept: Sin’at Chinam, baseless hatred. This converse of the positive precept, Sin-at Chinam, is such a vile thing, that our tradition attributes the destruction of our Beith Hamikdash, our Holy Temple in Jerusalem, to acts of sin’at chinam.

Think about that. It’s around 2,000 years ago, the Romans have made Judea a tributary state, installed its favored leaders to run the place, and they have made examples of traitors by crucifying them. Eventually, they burn down the Beit Hamikdash and expel all the Jews in the Diaspora of the Roman Empire where we would live without a homeland for over 1,900 years. They change the name of our country from Judea to Palestine.

And 2,000 years later, when we teach our children about the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash, we do not demonize the Romans for their actions. Instead, we look closely at what caused the strife and we blame ourselves for the baseless hatred that the many factions of Jews had for one another: the Pharasees, the Sadducees, the Karaites, Essenes, the Zadokite priests versus the Hasmonian priests, and more.

But that cold and honest Jewish insight saved us through those millennia of Diaspora. The Roman Empire came and went, the Greeks before them, and dozens of Empires after them all left to the history books.

And we refined concepts like Shalom Bayit to reinforce for each of us, individually, in our homes, what was really important.

Now, Shalom Bayit is traditionally meant to refer to the relationship of a wife and husband. Those of you reading between the lines during yesterday’s torah portion found the origins of the concept in the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar, making compromises for the sake of tranquility in the home. And I believe it has a powerful and urgent message for us as a congregation, today.

We have a wonderful congregation. We are known throughout the region as a welcoming, heimish, and fun place to be. We have a high proportion of dedicated volunteers. We have an excellent Kadima and USY chapter. We take joy in our observances. We have a wonderful and growing Hebrew School. We encourage families to bring their young children. We are understanding when someone makes a mistake.

We see the bigger picture – that when the synagogue is a comfortable place to be, families will feel comfortable coming and children will feel comfortable growing here. That is how we make Judaism approachable, that is how we educate the next generation, that is how we nurture the Jewish laws and traditions of Tzedakah and Tikkun Olam for our children and our children’s children, and for every generation to come.

What makes us a congregation? What binds us together? When you think about it, it is nothing more than commitment. In a way, that can be seen as very flimsy. But in a more profound way, commitment is the cornerstone of everything we do and everything we are as a Jewish People. It is what makes us endure the difficult times so that we can experience the good times. It is the same in marriage as in business as in our professions and it is exactly what we need from every one of you, right now, today, no matter whether you think the congregation should remain here, or whether you think the congregation should relocate.

And the principle of Shalom Bayit needs to inform us that we can compromise a little in order to maintain peace and tranquility among us. As we go through this process, each of us, needs to remember that when someone does not agree with me, his motivation is that he also wants Temple Beth David to thrive and grow. We may disagree on how to accomplish that, but our principles and motivation are the same.

In other words, please give one another permission to disagree and let’s have a principled and logical discussion.

One last story. During my father’s last week on this earth, he was fairing very poorly. He was resuscitated twice and was living on a ventilator. My siblings and I had very different thoughts on how he should be taken care of. I wanted a DNR order, they wanted heroic measures.

The acrimony rose. “How can you want to kill our father?” was one comment to me. “How can you disgrace our father’s life by trying to maintain his lifeless body?” I would retort.

It would have completely torn us apart had we not, somehow, miraculously, come to a common thought almost simultaneously. That thought was that we each deeply loved our father, and we each wanted to do, in our own minds, what we thought was best for him.

When we looked at one another as loving children, when we respected one another’s motivations, it did not matter that we disagreed on the actions.

This is what I am asking of each one of you here today. Whatever your opinion, respect the motivation of the person who disagrees with you. A little Shalom Bayit. And know that the commitment you have made and that you renew today is the link between our ancestors and our great great great grandchildren. That little investment in Shalom Bayit today, will help sustain the light of Jewish wisdom for many generations to come.